Sprekensy English?

I have kept some sort of journal or notebook or Moleskin since I first learned to spell. From time to time I revisited old journal entries and reacquainted myself with the frozen specimen of my former, less developed self.

With endearment, I turn to the sloppy, awkward letters I scrawled in writing my name for the first time. There is nothing more than my name. Just my name. And yet, so much exists between the spaces of a little girl's first written creed of identity. 

I humor myself, unintentionally, as the swirl and swing of my pen next engages in the telling of sleepovers, fashion and boys. Though unwieldy was the affair, popular was the game.

then came the era of the bold. the battles i was constrained to fight at home were shouldered with the preoccupation of varsity football game chants, school musicals, choir tours, prom date nights.

I next find the pages strewn with a quick handed grappling between prospects and fumbling through the guesswork of what to be. The answer would come, if not swiftly, with emphatic power. And once given, so began the subliminal exhaustion of involvement and study. 

I just finished my chronicles of europe, cramming the pages beyond the point of closure — passport punches, ticket stubs, photographs, items of memoriam — remnants of one girl's momentary utopia bulging between the covers.

And now I write for a very different reason than any of the reasons before. A new passion is whirling from within. I write to trace the patterns of thought, to dissect the mechanics of the mind, prodding at what it means to participate in the human experience. Until now, I could never have known how the power of the word would become congruent with breathing. And it is very likely that these pages, these different fonts of my life may be all I leave behind. 

@ 2010 by Rachel Lowry. All Rights Reserved.

Window to the Soul

Who am I?

To attempt to define “me” in one lifetime, much less one sitting is nearly {and even comically} impossible. For even I hardly know yet. Who I am is a very volatile, ever-changing term. I’m unpredictable, even to myself. And aren't we all, in our own way?

Perhaps a portion of our self-definition lies in our relationship with others. Whether or not they realize it, every individual helps make up, and influences the sum of, the incalculable mass – the convoluted whole. We lead lives that are solely our own, yet constantly cross paths with one another - and are interconnected in intimate and distant ways. But I wonder if the common, chance happenings may have more significance than we realize - or, perhaps, could have more significance if we did realize.

Isn't it funny how

(And I daresay I am the least of those immune to such an oversight) we are so prone to make hasty judgments based upon the first few words we hear spill out of the mouth of a stranger? This person has a lifetime behind them – an entire life thick with the layers of experience. Perhaps they have known cruel pain, unimaginable joy, possess enviable talent, have undergone disheartening trials, and have ventured to dream of things not yet known possible. Perhaps this person is passionate about something that you love, or knows exactly what you are going through when you thought nobody did. Within the eyes of this stranger lie the shades of maybe’s and what if’s, yet when you overheard him express his distaste for your favorite band, you instantly assumed him to be far from your "type" of friend. I wonder what one would see in me.

To one I may be:

The girl next door. the ward pianist. the small-town dreamer.

the 1100th BYU student. the oldest of four.

another statistic.

But beneath the surface there is so much more. If one paid really close attention, perhaps they would see a girl who can’t walk past a bookstore without going in. Perhaps they would see a girl who has bookmarked the site for airline prices from Salt Lake City to London on her work computer, when her gas tank is usually running on empty. Perhaps they would notice that from time to time she accidentally slips into French phrases. Perhaps they might see a girl who prefers walking everywhere she goes, and can't stand the constraint of conformity, for she will never fit in a box. Perhaps they would notice her slight obsession with photography blogs and how cooking is her remedy for a long day at work and school.

Perhaps they would be surprised to see a girl who can have really bad hair days and can get lost on her way to a destination she's been to a million times. They might be astounded at how she can get teary-eyed over the smallest things.

Perhaps they would see a girl who dances and sings when she thinks she is alone, who smiles the most when she's with her sisters and can't stay away from home for too long. Perhaps they would see a girl whose mind is always teeming with new ideas and brilliantly insane schemes. They would see a girl who fanatically pens her musings and dreams in her favorite little notebook, venturing to wonder if one day they will come alive on the page.

I would hope that they might see a girl who gives to others when she thinks nobody is watching, who loves the Lord with every ounce of her being.

But then there are layers deeper than that – far deeper than the eye can see.

They are the layers that each person holds close - the layers that truly define a person. They are rarely exposed to the world, yet within them lies the source of our humanity. They are what brought Mother Teresa to the streets of India, what sent Martin Luther King to face mad men with bold articulation. They are what guided the strokes of Michelangelo's paintbrush, and the genius behind Aristotle's mind.

We all have a story to tell and it is what defines us. Maybe one day we will look into the eye of that stranger and truly see what an incredible life they have lived and look to them in amazement for what they have become and what they are.

Little London Town Isn't So Little After All

I have arrived in London. Nestled between two gold-lined flats just off Kensington Gardens stands 27 Palace Court. Here I will live for the next five months. Seven of us share a large room with windows that open onto the street. It seems more like a film set than a utilized locale. We dropped our bags and headed out because, well, we little care if our shampoo is in the shower or if our shirts are on hangers. We're in London.

We got lost on the Tube and meandered through the entanglement of small streets. I don't mind getting lost here; I enjoy getting all mixed up in it, and within hours, I have already developed a heartfelt adoration for this bustling city and historic gem. It is funny how a place can feel like home though you never before set foot there.

I dare say it will be nearly impossible (also with the little resistance I will employ) to return without a little bit of that thing we call class. One can hardly spend five months in a country such as this without learning something of propriety and poise, especially considering that we will be delving into studies in Shakespeare, painting, Victorian literature and religion.

Until further word, I bid adieu as your adventuring pen(wo)man.

Oh the Places You Will Go

It happened like it always does. My throat tightens, my skin tingles, as if relinquishing its hold upon the rest of my body. I knew it would happen like this, was losing sleep in anticipation of this moment. And just when I couldn't take another moment of this perpetual waiting game of incessant preparation, I find myself in a rush of panic, wondering how the moment swooped by so suddenly and caught me completely dumbstruck and unaware.

And then I did it. I let slip the final goodbye. I'll never forget their eyes as I drug my luggage over the line they could not cross. Sitting here on a plane headed to London, floating just above a blanket of whiteness that seemed so far out of reach just moments ago, I realize that the long-awaited moment is finally here: I am London bound.

London Town

I am thrilled to announce that I was accepted to the Fall Study Abroad Program in London, England, a program I feel will help further my interest in British literature and communications studies. The following is my letter of intent:

I have always been intrigued by the power of communication through language, and I continue to be more and more captivated by its ability to alter one's perception of the world. After diving into an especially well-written piece of literature, I find my world has shifted, and nothing is really the same. Since I learned to read the most simple of words, I have been drawn to the wit and eloquence of Austin's dialogue, the depth of Donne's poetry, and the intensity of Woolf's poetic vision. My passion for reading and writing has only grown in my study of English at BYU. I couldn't imagine anything more thrilling than to walk on the same cobblestone streets where the great pillars of literary achievement once stood, from which myriads of classical literature has sprung. The experience of studying Shakespeare's intricate works on the same ground in which they were performed and even inspired would be unforgettable. To walk through the very park in which Woolf may have strolled, possibly pondering the ideas that would eventually shape history as we know it would be unforgettable.

In addition to literature, I am drawn to other components of London culture. I have acquired a keen interest in the traditions, commerce, arts, history, and people of London. My fascination with the European culture has only grown with my study of the French language. Within the London Study Abroad Program, an excursion to Paris would be tremendously exhilarating to me, as I find the classical and historical elements of French culture very charming.

I am currently an English major, aiming to pursue Graduate School or Law School. The opportunity to study in London would be beneficial to my future education, as it would provide practical educational experience and cultural immersion that would expand my understanding and exposure within the real world. Familiarity with the people and culture of London would additionally enhance my writing skills, by significantly broadening my perspective and style. I would like to apply such skills and distinct experience to advance my writing career in the desired direction and further strengthen my professional opportunities. This program would allow me to further develop a pattern of life-long service and spiritual growth, as well as strengthen my character.

The opportunity to study in Europe also appeals to me, as it is the origin of my ancestors. Through this experience, the stories I have been told of the hardships they faced, the triumphs they felt, and the lives they lived would become real to me.

I think I would be an asset to the program as I would bring with me an enthusiastic outlook and a passion for learning. In contributing to discussion, I would offer distinct insight and perspectives. As a member of this group, I would seek to demonstrate and represent the moral virtues encompassed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would be thrilled to take part in this opportunity to join with others in enhancing our scope of experience and increasing our knowledge to share with the world.

@ 2011 by Rachel Lowry. All Rights Reserved {photo via: vi.sualize.us}